Understanding Pregnancy Loss: A Compassionate Guide
If you're reading this and you have recently experienced a miscarriage, also known as early pregnancy loss, please know that you're not alone. While we don't talk about it enough, miscarriage is a common experience - occurring in about 10-15% of confirmed pregnancies. Some estimates suggest it may affect up to 20-25% of all pregnancies, particularly when including very early losses. For a number of reasons, from societal pressures to personal preferences, many people choose not to talk about their experience with pregnancy loss, and all of the grief and emotions that go along with it.
What Is Happening
A miscarriage occurs when a pregnancy ends spontaneously before the 20th week. During this time, you may still be experiencing pregnancy symptoms, although the pregnancy itself has ended. Your body may start to pass the pregnancy on it’s own, or you may need the assistance of medication or surgical intervention. If your body does this on it’s own, the process of miscarriage can typically last anywhere from a few hours to several days. You may experience heavy menstrual-like flow, strong cramping sensations, and passing of tissue and blood clots. Fatigue is also common, as is a myriad of different emotional and physical feelings.
If you opt for medical or surgical intervention to finish the process, your medical provider can help you make the best decision for you at the time. These decisions are deeply personal and may change based on your situation, emotional or physical state, and there is no wrong answer to what you need in the moment.
When to Seek Medical Care
Please contact your healthcare provider if you experience:
- Extremely heavy bleeding (soaking through multiple pads per hour)
- Fever
- Symptoms that persist beyond two weeks
- Overwhelming emotional distress
Taking Care of Yourself
Your body needs time to heal once the pregnancy has passed. While you may expect to feel completely normal as soon as the process is over, there are still hormonal and physical shifts happening for the next few weeks that you have to take into account. Here are some ways to support yourself:
- Rest as much as possible
- Stay hydrated and eat light, nourishing foods when you feel able
- Wear comfortable, loose clothing
- Use heating pads for comfort
- Take warm (not hot) baths if your healthcare provider approves
- Accept help from friends and family with daily tasks such as cleaning, meal preparation, running errands, etc.
Emotional Support
Everyone processes pregnancy loss differently. There is no "right" way to feel. Some find comfort in talking openly about their experience, while others prefer privacy. Both approaches are completely valid, and it’s all about what works best for you. You could consider:
- Sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family
- Joining a support group (online or in-person)
- Speaking with a counselor or therapist
- Creating your own ritual for closure
- Taking time to process at your own pace
- Making space for grief when it shows up
Looking Ahead
There's no set timeline for healing or moving forward. While healthcare providers typically suggest waiting until after one complete menstrual cycle before trying to conceive again, the emotional timeline is entirely personal. Some feel ready to try again relatively quickly, while others need more time. Both approaches are normal, and completely up to what feels best for you personally.
Taking Care of Your Whole Self
As you navigate this experience:
- Keep all recommended medical appointments
- Stay in communication with your healthcare team
- Monitor your physical and emotional wellbeing
- Consider professional mental health support, or upping your supports in this area if you already have them to multiple times a week for the first few weeks after miscarrying
- Join support communities if it feels right
- Practice gentle self-compassion and self-love
Remember that this experience can affect you and your partner, other children, and family members. Each person may process it differently, and that's okay. Being there for each other, as well as remembering to ask for help and support when needed, is very important.
Where to Find Support:
- Your healthcare provider
- Local pregnancy loss support groups
- Online communities
- Mental health professionals specializing in pregnancy loss
- Books and literature about grief and healing
- Professional organizations offering miscarriage support
While it may feel like an insurmountable event at first, it will get better. That’s not to say that the feelings around your miscarriage will ever fully go away, but like any other great loss, you’ll learn to navigate through your new normal one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, and reach out if you need support. Your health and wellbeing is number one priority throughout this experience, no matter what that looks like.
